o come,

let us adore Him

Dear Lover,

We crave to be it all. To be the artist, the witness, the hero, the secondary character, every race, every gender, the divine and the dust from which we come and to which we will return, to be everything at all times. In the end, we will always be but ourselves, but this ‘ourselves’ never ceases to grow. Eternal expansion, an endless journey within Your heart. We crave to be Divine Incarnate. Not in the, bestial in its mindlessness and madness, sense of claiming to be a ‘true messiah’, as many false teachers do nowadays, rather, in being united with Him. Full immersion into God’s bone marrow, hiddenness in His wound, merging with His flesh, but not like a rotting tissue, rejected from His Body, rather something His Body fully accepted and united with. Bathing in His Blood and gnawing on His Flesh is not enough anymore, it was never enough. We must be fully immersed, with the cloud of unknowing being torn to pieces and letting us through, into the Bones. The Logos might, shall, must accept us, for we, unworthy and wretched, are worthy to be nested in the cup of His hands, spreading our roots right into the stigmatas on His wrists. It hurts. But cracking the shell during growth of something new hurts always.

And the shell is broken, the shell of our heart. We may be a brokenheart now, but we only are so because Christ broke our heart with His Birth. The history has been shattered, split onto before and after, and so has been our heart. All that revolves, revolves around Him, and so does our desire to become. To grow. To be endless. We were made for theosis.

Maybe this is the scent of sanctity, the scent we are hunting for - the scent of never-ending ascent. To define is to limit, to finally find ourselves is to drown in the bog, but to search for our true selves is to knock and slam, and fight against the cloud of unknowing, the darkness of the closeness to God. To earn the right but not through our merit, rather through God’s mercy and the remembrance - the remembrance God has of our name, the remembrance of God we have in our souls. We are worthless, but worthy of a feast, thrown by the father for the prodigal son, for him simply and merely coming back; we are worthless, but worthy of hearing ‘all that is Mine is yours’ after years of not-understanding. The scent of sanctity that we hunt for is the hunt, but for God, without limitations, defying all limitations that the world sets against us. Bilocation of psyche and spirit. The paradox of existence. It all comes together, woven with as golden thread into the ongoing tapestry of our pulsating life, the one rooted in Him, absolutely parasitically draining forces from God. But God so much loved the world that He gave His only Son… for us to feast on. How glorious the sacrifice! How sweet the Love! How high the Hope and deep the Faith of the Creator in His creatures!

The Beast is no more concern of ours, for we are no longer afraid, we no longer cower before its might, for it is mighty no more, it has a hold of our heart no longer. It is in You alone where we have found what we were seeking for. It is in You where we have found protection and true might. It is You we were chasing when we abandoned everything and everyone to gain everything and everyone, to become everything and everyone. To become You. The Beast has been defeated by Your powerful hand, and we no longer concern ourselves with it, for its foul-smelling breath is no longer behind our shoulder, and its growl caresses our ears no more. We have abandoned it, focusing our sight on You, and it ran away, for it cannot stand the vision of Yours and the heavenly hosts, which persecuted it till it ceased to hold our psyche and soul in its tight grip. And this is how it should be done - if one craves to get through to You, to shatter the cloud that separates us, to be bold enough to rest on Your chest and be the disciple You loved most, one shall stop looking into the abyss of the Beast, and switch from it onto looking into the abyss of Your closeness. Of the scent of Heaven. Onto eternity. Onto everlasting hunt for You, and everlasting dream in Your arms.

For You alone, o Lord, we thirst, and You alone are our desire.

29 December 2025

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